There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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