so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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