I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
