Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize