you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
