i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
