So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
