My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
