I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
