Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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