I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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