I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
