Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
