"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
