Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just want nice things and good sex
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
