If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Your dad touched me again.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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