Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
