the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
