The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm too high and old for this...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize