were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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