i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
