we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
