Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
