Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
