she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
