god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
