There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
