Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
