Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
one might say we're banned from that church
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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