I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
