I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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