she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Text me some of your sweat
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
