Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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