i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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