jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I didn't shave. On purpose
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
