STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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