this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
