do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
