I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
