Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
