laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
