Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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