uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
