So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
