Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My feet surprised me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
