Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
