MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This is the high leading the old right now
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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