I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
