Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
