I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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